just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
