I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
