OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
