I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
