Will you blow on my dice?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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