Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
