You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to calm my uterus...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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