My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
