Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
