somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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