two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
