why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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