She is in my trunk
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
