But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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