i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize