i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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