I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize