at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
