I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
