??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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