she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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