Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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