Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
