i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
