Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize