Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
