If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
