I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
