PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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