so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
