I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize