I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
