she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear god my vagina.
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