So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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