ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
