Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
