I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
