I cockslap morals
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
