I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i will never coherently bang her
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
