I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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