I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
