I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
