conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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