Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize