I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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