There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
