he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
