Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
