Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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