dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
