Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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