You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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