so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize