There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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