This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
