addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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