i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
