I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
