I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
