I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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