dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
