good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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