Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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