help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
