She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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