it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
