It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
