I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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