I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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