I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
