my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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