Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
