My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
