I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
